Falling
by Kittey Rin
Summary: An epiphany, onesided RikuSora oneshot birthdayfic for Dawning Twilight. The story takes place during the first game, between the princess' being released and the ending.


_Disclaimer:_ I don't own anything except the general idea for this 'songfic'.

A/N: This is a one-shot one-sided RikuSora for my sister's (belated) birthday gift. I want everyone to know that I wanted to get this right, and I still think it needs work, but I went back many times to edit this more. I didn't mention names, and I tried to avoid a word until the last sentence. I also made it so that, with each phrase of the song listed below, it (sort of) fits with the different paragraphs I have written.

But I'm rambeling a bit. Other things to know would be that this is a songfic, written with a really old band (the Backstreet Boys, so I don't own the song...or the band. Only the CD, which is a bit depressing. Believe it or not, it's not my most embarrassing song, but I digress) and written while listening to the song on repeat. I should also probably mention that this takes place during the first game, between when Riku was completely overtaken by 'Ansem', and the very end of the game.

So now, I present my first Kingdom Hearts one-shot yaoi to 'How Did I Fall In Love With You' by the Backstreet Boys.

--:o:--:o:--:o:--

The darkness was everywhere, yet he couldn't understand. How could it have happened? He knew that they had known each other forever. They had even grown up together, living next door, just a short walk away. They had been best friends ever since either could remember. Sure, there were times when they had gotten into some nasty fights, but they had always patched things up shortly thereafter. They had always been there for each other, always having a shoulder to lean on, always knowing that they had someone who cared and could be cared for in return.

Now, floating in a dark place, or walking down a nothing world, it didn't matter. He had nobody around, but his mind couldn't shake the image of a smiling face. He might never make it out of the empty abyss. He could lose himself in that very darkness. He would never see the light again. But that didn't bother him at all.

He didn't know how it happened. He couldn't even pinpoint the moment. When had it happened? When had he crossed the invisible line, when had he started to want more? And now it hurt, facing the fact that he might never see that smile, shocking him to his core and yet completely unsurprising. What had happened, he kept asking himself. It wasn't like he hadn't had a chance to realise before. He could have, but there was just something that hadn't clicked. Not for the first time, he wondered what had happened to bring around this realization. Yet now, when he thought of the loneliness he was facing, the utter darkness, he was terrified. All of the sudden, that absence at his side was even more prominent than it had ever been, even when he had been taken over, even when he was facing down a nightmare. He hadn't felt like he was losing everything, possessing an emotion he couldn't put words to, and he was so afraid. If he admitted it, if he accepted it, what would he do? What _could_ he do?

He remembered playing together with a small, sad smile. He remembered always smiling back then. He remembered the euphoria, the utter happiness back then, It seemed like ages ago that they had been so young. Looking back, it was probably all because of...he stopped that thought. His mind couldn't admit it, not yet. It was too sudden, too fresh, like a wound that had just been inflicted; still numb, not really there yet. If he admitted it to himself, he was admitting that he had no control over his life. And that wasn't acceptable. But, then again, had he really had any control before? He had always been chasing him, always striving to be as good as his better half. He was always one step behind, spinning out of control as he tried to become better. Maybe that was where it all started, was when they realised that they were so similar, so close to being one entity.

He stopped. He couldn't go on anymore, not another step. The thoughts kept spinning in his head. The facts were there, but he was too much of a coward to even admit the truth. He had always run away from things, not like... And now, he was doing it again, running from himself, from the smiling face that stared at him from behind closed eyes, the one that haunted his dreams, that refused to leave him alone. How had it happened? His mind was blank. He was tired of running. He was almost ready to admit to himself that he was helpless, that he would do anything for that smile, would give his life to make things right, and knowing that, in doing so, he would be completely and utterly alone.

Because it was a forbidden love. It wasn't meant to be, it was wrong, it couldn't happen. They were too much alike- and yet, that was what made them perfect for each other. Right then, he wished that he were someone else, had been born into a different body. Someone that would get the attention he seeked. Someone that he could be with, and not have to pretend that he didn't have these feelings. Because he did, and he couldn't stop them. He wanted to be away, to flee and never be a burden to that innocent face, never see it cry, never see the tiny figure shudder with supressed sobs. And yet, he couldn't. He was drawn like a magnet. He wouldn't be able to breathe, and he wouldn't be able to live, but it caused him more pain than to be there; close, but not being able to admit what was happening, forever apart.

His feet were moving, and he was running then. He didn't know where he was being taken, it was like his heart had taken over his feet and was carrying him in a mad flight towards something. Something that was frightening, and yet not. Something that he yearned for, yet balked when he was faced with the facts. Soon, there was a light, a small sliver of hope. He sensed, more than saw, the heartless coming up behind him. Then he knew where he was, and he knew he had to see that face one more time. He wasn't getting out of the darkness, but he had to see it once more. He would die if he couldn't.

He reached the door, panting, and threw out a hand. Whether to prevent the door from being closed, or for some other unfathomable reason, he didn't know. A face looked up, surprised, and automatically encouragement poured from his lips. It was like almost old times, but this was so much more important. His lips moved automatically, trying to put words to feelings that were still too new, too raw to be realised fully. And that innocent face just nodded to whatever ended up coming out. He stood there as the door was shut, as all hope was taken away, and as everything was locked forever in the dark. The innocent face would never know, never guess, never realise the turmoil that raged inside him. A sob escaped him, knowing he would never get a second chance to say anything. He lost his one moment to explain, to know, to express the feelings that were quickly overwhelming him. And now he was alone, really _alone_, for the first time in his life.

Everything was changing so fast, overwhelming everything in its path like a tidal wave. He had fallen so hard, and now he was broken. He pressed himself against the unmoving wall that now seperated them. It would never move again. The doors wouldn't open, no matter what he did. He had been given so many chances, and now they were all gone. He wished he was on that other side, his arms around the one he loved, but all he could do was ask the question aloud, make it real, admit to himself that he was a fool. He could only hope that somehow, against all odds, his question would be answered by someone who could set him to rights, who could let him know what he said, what he did, how it had all changed, but never knowing...

"How did I fall in love with you?"

--:o:--:o:--:o:--_  
_

_ Remember when we never needed each other?  
The best of friends like sister and brother.  
We understood we'd never be alone._

_Those days are gone, now I want you so much.  
The night is long and I need your touch.  
Don't know what to say, I never meant to feel this way.  
Don't want to be alone tonight._

_What can I do to make you mine?  
Falling so hard, so fast this time.  
What did I say? What did you do?  
How did I fall in love with you?_

_I hear your voice, and I start to tremble.  
Brings back the child that I resemble.  
I cannot pretend that we can still be friends.  
Don't want to be alone tonight._

_What can I do to make you mine?  
Falling so hard, so fast this time.  
What did I say? What did you do?  
How did I fall in love with you?_

_Oh, I want to say this right, and it has to be tonight.  
Just need you to know:_

_I don't want to live this life, I don't want to say goodbye.  
With you I wanna spend the rest of my life!_

_What can I do to make you mine?  
Falling so hard, so fast this time.  
What did I say? What did you do?  
How did I fall in love with you?_

_What can I do to make you mine?  
Falling so hard, so fast this time.  
Everything's changed, we never knew..._

_How did I fall in love with you?_


End file.
